The internet is a wonderful thing, but it can be an intimidating place. Sharing your opinion isn’t for the faint of heart.
Called out again
I was involved in a minor dispute on Facebook recently. Someone posted a vent which included a sweeping generalization about the awfulness of all men. My attention lately has been on trying to break down my own gender stereotypes and recognise how they influence my opinion. So I pointed out that there are shitty people of all genders and that I choose not to hang out in spaces that condone such negative and bullying behaviour, whoever is responsible for it.
My comment was called out. Although I hadn’t intended it to be, my opinion was dismissive and unsupportive to the person venting. I did at least have enough awareness to realise that the original poster was looking for support from those who felt the same way as she did, not a lecture on the language of diversity or where to spend her personal time. So, I politely backed away and the disagreement didn’t escalate.
Reflection
Of course it played on my mind. Being called out for sharing your opinion feels very much like a personal attack. I talked to a couple of friends about it. I told myself I was seeking their advice, but I think deep down I was just hoping they would back me up and tell me I was right and she was wrong.
They didn’t.
I still believe sweeping generalisations about anything are generally unhelpful and just play into stereotypes, forcing further division and animosity. But I think there is clearly a time and a place to offer your personal outlook on life. The words “oppression” and “patriarchy” came up during our discussion, with the strong sentiment that since men unfairly hold all the power, there is justification for using sweeping generalizations.
I still felt a little confused about it all.
Peering into the rabbit hole
I came to the conclusion I don’t know enough about feminism or how to stick up for women’s rights in the context of my recent and ever evolving understanding of the gender binary. A little scared to upset my friends by saying something that would provoke disapproval and potentially sour our relationship, I took my search for answers onto Google. I was worried about saying the wrong thing or asking stupid questions. I`m a woman in my forties, so I should know all about women’s issues already, right?
I started by looking up feminism, anti-feminism and misogyny. My question was what role can modern feminism play in improving my life and those of others affected by society’s presumptions and biases based on their gender? I wondered if there comes a point where we need to let go of the “Us v Them” mentality. My search fairly promptly led me to a feminist political debate on You Tube. After listening to the huge and diverse range of opinion expressed, I wanted to hear more. So I clicked onto the channel the video was posted on.
Then it started happening. The algorithms kicked in.
Just one click away
I don’t tend to watch YouTube all that much to be honest. I’ve only ever really gone on to watch something very specific, such as a piano video of a piece I’m learning, or straight to a specific comedian or musician I like. I’ve never paid much attention to anything YouTube has suggested to me. This time though the suggestions caught my eye. I was being shown links to videos of furious reactions to the debate I had just watched. I was curious to learn more, so I clicked on to the first one that came up.
It was by a young woman. I thought she was very pretty and extremely vibrant. She had a bubbly personality, a way of speaking that draws you in and holds your interest. But as I listened, one of the first things she did was deliberately misgender a trans woman who had taken part in the debate by using he/him/his pronouns to refer to her. I immediately realised that I had been brought to a video that was blatantly transphobic and also probably fairly conservative and right-wing given the emphasis on traditional values. I paused it because I didn’t want to hear a rhetoric that would make me feel angry and upset.
Open bigotry
Misgendering bothers me greatly. I completely understand why many people struggle with learning to use they/them/their pronouns, because it takes a while to get your head around the grammatical challenge of using a plural in the singular. I also think it can be difficult for many people who have not come into contact with a non-binary person, or read much about it, to understand the concept. However, calling a woman who looks, sounds and acts like a woman a “he” just because you know they are transgender is shocking to me. If she hadn’t introduced herself as transgender, I never would have known.
I had a burning question in the back of my mind. This host speaker, described as a conservative right-wing political commentator when I googled her name, has 1.75 million subscribers to her channel. (As of 30 Jan 2022) It blows my mind. Why is she so popular?
To be honest, I`ve had a growing knot of fear inside me at the way politics has been going in the USA and the UK for a while now. Far-right ideology has become so mainstream and I ask myself all the time what is causing it and what does it mean for the future? I came out of school history lessons thinking extreme right-wing opinion → Nazism and fascism → world war → genocide. I feared and despised it, as I thought I was supposed to. If so, I wonder now, why isn’t the world terrified of the consequences of this current trend?
What’s the appeal?
I decided I would continue to watch the video because I wanted to know what was drawing people in. In addition, I have two young teens who are just starting to venture into the world of social media and I want to help them learn to navigate the mess of algorithms and unbridled opinion that is out there. I can’t bury my head in the sand and avoid what is happening by dismissing a video I don’t like as irrelevant and unimportant. I need to see what is going on and understand it, so I can talk to my kids about it.
This is what I saw.
She was fun to listen to. She spoke at a pace that kept me interested, with a tone that portrayed excitement, authenticity and authority. Many of the things she said resonated with me. She had snippets of wisdom about self-care and positive mindset. She made astute observations about some aspects of society that rang true. It was entertaining and well-produced. There were eye-catching visuals, photos, videos and text. There were sound effects. She was expressive and endearing. She had a way of speaking that was exciting, current and a little mischievous. It felt to me a bit like when your friends draw you in and whisper a slightly outlandish secret and you giggle, feeling like one of the “in crowd”, a little rebellious – and slightly better than the person or people who have been made fun of.
The darker side
But it was also interspersed with the occasional blatantly prejudiced, contemptuous or demeaning comment that shocked me and felt extremely uncomfortable.
My initial reaction when I encountered something like that was disbelief. Wait, did she really say that? Did she mean it? It doesn’t quite fit in with the other reasonable things she’s saying. Did I mishear or misunderstand? What just happened? It was confusing yet at the same time I felt exhilarated. I’d found something interesting – someone openly saying things I profoundly disagree with. It was compelling and intriguing. It left me wanting to listen to more.
Is that the hook?
Things aren’t always what they seem
Algorithms are infamous. I’d read that they can lead you easily into far right rhetoric, that it’s insidious. It starts relatively benign and you get drawn deeper and deeper in. And, as with anything, the more you are exposed to something, the higher your tolerance for it grows. And I think that is the obvious danger, especially for our children.
As an adult in my forties, educated to post-graduate level, with the capacity to critically consider the source and content of information I am exposed to, I am in a better position to draw conclusions and formulate opinions about things than a 13-year-old is. I think societies often try to avoid exposing their children to things they don’t think they are ready for. This can be seen with age ratings for movies, the fact that certain TV programs in the UK are only shown after 9pm, the way books are categorised by age, why each country has a legal structure that determines what age their children will be allowed to make important decisions, such as when they may get married or when they can vote.
But the internet is different. The amount of information available to our children is enormous. There is a huge amount of deception too. Far right rhetoric is wrapped up in innocent images depicting seemingly benign things like nature and traditional values. It’s too easy for anyone, let alone a child, to click onto something completely innocent that will lead them into an algorithm that sucks them into more and more extreme opinion.
Further down the rabbit hole
As I continued following the pathway of videos suggested to me, I very quickly found myself being presented with videos about Andrew Tate. I was surprised how fast that happened, but on reflection that was naivety. I mean, I was looking up things like feminism, anti-feminism and misogyny by keyword. He is probably the internet’s most famous misogynist right now. Of course he would show up.
On the one hand I don’t want to play a part in drawing attention to people like him. I am concerned it adds to their notoriety and allows them to grow their platforms and reach even further. However, ignoring the existence of such people is not going to help. They’ve always been out there. Misogyny is nothing new. I think we need to look carefully at what’s going on, so we can talk about it and allow people, allow our kids, to make more informed choices about the kind of messaging they consume online.
Tate has recently been arrested and accused of organized crime, human trafficking and rape. If he’s found guilty, maybe that will lead to him falling out of favour. But in some ways it doesn’t matter. You can bet your life there are plenty of others waiting for the chance to take his place. It’s big business.
The appeal of controversy
I found myself watching an interview of Tate by Piers Morgan, another controversial figure himself. (Piers Morgan leaves ITV’s Good Morning Britain after row over Meghan remarks.). It was further indication as to why this kind of stuff is so popular. It was fascinating the way Tate avoided and dodged the questions and the way the host had to keep interrupting and repeating the questions in an attempt to force him to answer. The dismissive and open ridicule was entertaining to observe. I enjoyed seeing the discomfort and unease, the squirming and the backtracking. I also appreciated seeing highly misogynistic opinion being challenged.
Sharing opinions
I think conflict is exciting. Who hasn’t sat back with their popcorn when a post in a Facebook group unexpectantly blows up? I know I have. It’s easy to switch off when someone is saying things you expect and agree with. But when someone says something a little shocking, it makes you sit up and pay attention.
It isn’t just entertaining. Aristotle was just one of many in a long line of great philosophers and scientists who have concluded that humans are inherently social creatures. For those who have strong opinions and aren’t afraid to air them, it isn’t difficult to find others who feel the same way as you do online. You may feel that sticking with people who think the same way as you leads to more peaceful interactions. But does residing in an echo chamber limit our exposure to diverse opinions? Does it lead to confirmation bias? Does it amplify polarisation and extremism rather than temper it?
Myths
We live in a world where we are encouraged to accept without argument that every opinion is equally valid, even those that negatively affect institutional and structural attitudes and policies. A horrified reaction to hate speech will probably quickly result in an outraged accusation that you are violating the perpetrator’s right to free expression and eroding their liberties. This is the myth of the free speech crisis.
The purpose of the myth is not to secure freedom of speech – that is, the right to express one’s opinions without censorship, restraint or legal penalty. The purpose is to secure the licence to speak with impunity; not freedom of expression, but rather freedom from the consequences of that expression.
Nesrine Malik, The Myth of the Free Speech Crisis
Discrimination
It breaks my heart that in 2023 people are still discriminated against for their race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, ability, status or anything else. I cannot get my head around the fact that so many people face hardship, violence and death due to the unfair power divides in place in our societies. Things like racism are so deeply embedded in our cultures, that many of us who unintentionally benefit from it would even deny its presence, citing the black friend we had back in school as “proof” that we’re different and therefore absolved of any blame. The sad thing is, that by not recognising our unconscious biases, we all contribute and support the continuation of prejudice, even if we don’t actually intend or want to.
Free speech
It’s difficult for me to understand people who argue against striving for equality, equity and diversity. But people genuinely fear it. If you speak out when you see blatant prejudice or verbal abuse you often get bullied into silence by loud voices proclaiming that your indignance is “political correctness gone mad” and alleging that the “woke brigade” are going to tear the world apart. Terminology born from good intention and the desire to make our world a nicer, more inclusive place has been weaponised by the right. Apparently nowadays you have the right to freely spout hate speech, but you don’t have the right to question or object to it.
A moral right to express unpopular opinions is not a moral right to express those opinions in a way that silences the voices of others, or puts them in danger of violence.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/sep/03/the-myth-of-the-free-speech-crisis
That’s not to say that some so-called social justice warriors haven’t also taken intolerance and indignation to the extreme. Neither side is completely innocent. Some academics are suggesting that “post-Brexit Britain is rapidly following America into the abyss of highly-polarised culture wars over populism and wokeism.” (Can Britain survive the woke wave)
*I’m still learning about these issues and will be doing further reading on these topics.
Looking at privilege
I read something recently that explained to me so well why people who are born into a privileged position in society might feel victimised and erased by marginalised people standing up and asking to be treated fairly and justly. Most of us aren’t anywhere near the perceived “top” levels of society. In his book “How not to be wrong,” James O’Brien suggested imagining a mountain. I’m going to use the same example but use my own words.
The idea is to look at life as though we’re born onto the slopes of a mountain, with our life goal being to go higher, aiming towards the summit. As we climb, we struggle. There are dangers and obstacles and sometimes there are periods when it’s terribly cold and bleak. Every step we take is part of our journey. We embrace it for it makes us who we are. As we accumulate our stories of heartbreak, courage and determination, we derive our sense of self and identity from the way we overcome our challenges. We are who we are based on how we handle the climb.
But we can’t help feeling envious and resentful of those born higher up with access to more equipment. It doesn’t feel fair that they don’t have so far to climb or that they can afford shortcuts to cross the ravines and rock faces they face, whereas we’ve scrambled over ours, scraping our hands and knees in the process.
What privilege?
So when someone comes along and tells us we’re damn lucky to have started where we did and that we had an unfair advantage, it makes us angry. What do they know about our journey? It’s been treacherous. Is the insinuation that we’ve cheated and that our journey is less valid? It feels terribly discouraging and highly dismissive of everything we’ve been through.
We’re not just sitting around waiting for someone to airlift us up and give us a free ride. We’re working our butts off trying to climb this mountain. Every step has been earned. We deserve to be where we are. The fact that there are others starting out way lower than us is irrelevant. We didn’t ask to be born where we were. It was just luck of the draw, not our fault. We’ve done nothing to them and hold no ill will towards them. We just want to get on with our climb. Maybe if they quit moaning and got on with theirs, they could get a bit higher too?
At the top
What about the people who start even further up the mountain and those who reach the top? It’s probably nice up there. It must feel amazing to be above the rest of the world. I can imagine it would give you an extreme sense of value and satisfaction and probably fill you with confidence.
But once you’re at the top there is nowhere left to go. Your focus must shift more to maintaining your position, because the last thing you want is to take a misstep and end up sliding down and losing what you’ve worked so hard for, what you feel you’ve rightfully earned. Your climb was damn hard. It required a great deal of courage. Those last few hundred metres are a journey the majority of the world has no clue about. The reality is there’s only room for a finite number of people at the top. You’re grateful to be one of the ones who made it. It wasn’t easy though. You absolutely earned your place.
Self-preoccupation
I think this imagery helps me to understand that most people aren’t inherently malevolent, trying to deliberately hurt others. I think the simple truth is that most of us are predominantly wrapped up in our own perspectives, journeys and struggles. We tend to paint ourselves as the biggest victims in our own stories. I think that a lot of our attitudes and behaviours towards others are born from fear that has nothing to do with them. Fear of losing what we have, fear of not deserving what we have, fear of not getting what we feel we deserve.
I’m going to bring my ramble about navigating opinion on the internet to an end for now. I apologise that this isn’t a tidy analysis offering an array of solutions that will solve all the issues and bring peace to humanity for evermore. Instead it’s just a window into my thoughts as I attempt to comprehend the things I am witnessing online daily.
I long for a better world, but I don’t know what the answer is. At this current point in history, I think humans are just too selfish to give up their individual privilege and aim for a fairer more utopian world. I’m highly sceptical that it will happen in my lifetime. I imagine debates will continue to rage passionately long after you and I are gone. I just hope there won’t be too much death and destruction on the way as humanity figures things out.
But I do like to think that one day we will.
