Fear of being judged
I fear being judged for writing about the things I choose to write about. My worry is not only that I would be criticised for a dark choice in topic, but also for having the audacity to tackle such a subject without being an accredited “expert”.
Who do I think I am?
I’m sure I’m not the only one who worries they are getting ahead of themself? I can recognise it’s entirely fear-based and not reality. Yet there it remains, a huge wall that makes me stop and doubt myself, often preventing me from moving forward, either temporarily or sadly sometimes even permanently.
I question if my input is valid enough to put out into the world. Who I am to have a voice on a topic? What if I am wrong? What if I upset someone? Will people reading it think my thoughts are irrelevant, or worse stupid?
I know this is linked to old worthiness struggles and I know I still have much work to do in this area.
Life is hard
I want to write about serious topics. I strongly believe in facing the hard stuff head-on and that the way to heal is to bring things into the light rather than keeping them down in the dark hidden recesses of shame. Why do we go through life pretending that unpleasant things don’t happen? We all know that they do. Why do we hide our pain instead of being honest about it and finding the compassion and support we deserve?
My passion for writing
I don’t intend to write dark tales of purely human suffering. Personally, I enjoy books interspersed with humour, with interesting and often quirky characters, a storyline that keeps me guessing and events that provoke a range of emotional reactions. I also enjoy learning something new, seeing something from a new perspective and thinking about things I haven’t before.
Tough subjects intrigue me though. I’m fascinated by how people cope with adversity and heal trauma. I am enthusiastic about finding meaning in even the most negative experiences. I believe the challenges we face are what help us truly grow, as humans and as spiritual beings.
Facing criticism
I still need to learn to accept criticism of my writing without taking it as a personal affront. I have done some work on this in my piano playing and I know how important it is. It’s vital to remember that if someone doesn’t like what I write, it doesn’t invalidate me as a person. It’s just a matter of personal taste. I know this intellectually, but I want to feel it down to my bones and remain confident in my own voice.
Putting my writing out there
Writing is so personal. It doesn’t matter how much you use your imagination to create people and scenarios, you are still going to be sharing your unique perspective because of the way you interpret events and their emotional impact on your characters. No two people will ever feel the same way about the exact same situation. Sharing your inner world is scary. Criticism can be devastating. It discourages so many people from following their dreams. Ultimately art is so subjective though. There really are no rules and everyone’s creative expression is unique.
Just do it
So I’ve identified it’s scary and looked at the reasons why. That’s all very well and good but to be honest that hasn’t changed much. I’m still apprehensive. So now it comes down to a decision. Do I forget about writing what I feel drawn to write? Do I write it but keep it hidden in the depths of my computer? Or do I just write and share it anyway, despite the fear and uncertainty?
I know my answer.
Well, of course I’m going to share! Except it’s a bit like standing at the end of a diving board, taking deep breaths, trying to find the courage to leap. I may need a moment or two sometimes, but I know I will get there.
A preview of my book – (video)
Allie and Nia: Shattered Pieces
A short fiction
“It isn’t always that simple.”
More blog post topics
Childhood trauma
Introspection
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