Self-publishing: An Imposing New Challenge

Apparently self-publishing is a little bit more complicated than simply uploading your book to KDP Amazon and sitting back waiting for it to become a bestseller. Bugger. Naïve and totally oblivious me thought I had done the bulk of the work having actually written a manuscript. Turns out that was the easy part.

Writing a book

I think writing a book deserves celebration though. I’ve heard many people say they want to write something, far fewer actually sit down and do it. I think this comes down to pure passion, to be honest. In my case, I had a story in my head and I wrote it because it was fun. I loved my characters and I enjoyed witnessing the development of their relationship. I wasn’t intending to ever publish it. In retrospect, I suppose that was quite freeing. I wasn’t thinking about my future audience and what they might like or not. I was just writing for me.

Sharing with friends

This was the first big step. I was scared they’d hate it, think what I had written was inappropriate or think it was totally stupid and unrealistic. When they told me they loved it, I then kind of thought, yeah well they would say that; they’re being nice because they’re my friends. Apparently I am quite determined to believe that people won’t enjoy my writing. I guess part of me must believe in it though, or else I would still have it hidden in the depths of my computer.

Sharing my writing is scary

Deciding to publish

I wrote the first draft of this book years ago, back in 2012. So you may ask, why has it taken me ten years to get to the point of publishing it? Well, I had an awful lot of inner work to do first. My confidence was almost non-existent. I had this limiting belief that becoming a published writer was a pipe dream. So, I firmly kept to the idea that writing was purely a hobby. People like me don’t get to publish books and call themself an author. That’s ridiculous!

Once I had the “approval” of my friends though, I started to think seriously about publishing it. All the inner work had armed me with positive affirmations such as “you can do anything you put your mind to” and “life is way too short” and “it’s now or never.” I only had one massive block left to work through. This was the matter of my sexuality, something I had kept hidden for many years.

What will people think?

So, the two main characters in my book are women and they are involved in a romantic relationship. I wondered what my family and friends would think if they read it. Of course writing involves imagination and I don’t believe you have to be gay to write about a gay couple. But wouldn’t questions be asked? What was I supposed to do if someone asked me outright if I’m gay or not? Lie? But that’s not how I wanted to show up as a writer or as myself. I strive to be authentic and truly me. Anyone who has read this blog, knows that I have shared some extremely personal things. Hiding my sexuality just feels wrong.

So over the course of the last year or so, I have come out to everyone, including of course to my husband, who is extremely supportive. This has given me the freedom to start publicly posting LGBTQ+ related topics and to follow fellow lesbian fiction writers on social media. I don’t know if I intend to label myself as solely a lesbian fiction writer, but I am a fiction writer who is a lesbian. It seems important to me to get very comfortable and honest with who I am.

Traditional publishing or self-publishing?

With the decision made to publish and me now waving my rainbow flag happily, the next big question was which route to take: traditional or self-publishing? Originally I thought my book is perhaps in too much of a niche and so I thought no publisher would be interested. But friends encouraged me to look at the idea of trying the traditional route. It was pretty intimidating, but I researched it a little and decided to give it a go. However, I then threw myself into a final edit, which to be honest, with work, travel and other commitments, has taken a good six months so far and it’s not even finished – although close.

I started thinking about it all again recently. I’ve been working on this book for a decade in total. Finally, I have the confidence to share my work and write unabridged and this makes me feel excited to get on with the next story. I don’t want to spend another year or more sending my manuscript off to different places to have it rejected time and time again. I believe in this book, in my characters and in my story. It won’t be for everyone, but it will appeal to some. So, I want it out there.

I also like the idea of having complete artistic control over it.

Self-publishing

So, decision made, the first thing I did was sign up for an Amazon KDP account. As I started reading the information in the self-publishing help pages, the immensity of the challenge hit me hard. There is just so much to think about. Formatting, editing, the front cover, front and back matter, file types, the synopsis, keywords, marketing, pricing, social media, a web landing page, ISBN numbers, an author page, tax, royalties, print on demand costs, trim sizes, margins, bleed and probably many other things I’ve missed off, or am still yet unaware of.

Of course paying to have this all done for me would be absolutely lovely, but it seems a bit much to sink thousands and thousands of dollars into self-publishing a first book. Given my current limited audience, it will realistically probably only sell a handful of copies, initially at least. I’d rather spend the money visiting Scandinavia and increase my life experience, so I`ll have plenty to write about in future books. I think at this point I have little choice but to read and research and do the absolute best I can by myself.

The long-haul

Nothing ever happens overnight. I am fully prepared to spend the next few years, even decades building my experience as a novelist and writer. It takes time to find your people and build a fanbase. I am happy with that. In the meantime I will live my life, learn as I go along and most importantly keep writing. I want to do it because I enjoy it. If it ever gets to the point where I am doing it for any other reason than that, then I think it will be time to sit back and reexamine my priorities.

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Here’s a little teaser video I made for my upcoming book.
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