Life after giving up alcohol, day 18: Facing temptation

Facing temptation

Yesterday was a milestone for me. I invited a friend I often used to drink with to come over for dinner. She drank and I didn’t. I suppose I could have avoided putting myself in a position like this, but I know very well that there is no way I can go through the rest of my life avoiding situations where people drink. A couple of friends suggested maybe I should wait a little and make sure I am in a really strong place before facing temptation. However, that is not my style. If there is something particularly hard or difficult, I like to face it head on and as soon as possible. I am the kind of person who will eat the thing I don’t like first from my plate and save the things I love until afterwards.

So I decided to get this particular milestone out of the way and prove to myself that I am no longer interested in drinking and that I can still have fun without it.

Changing my focus

Before I would have been more concerned with making sure I had the right wine and enough of it. This time I focused on the food – we had tortillas. I also bought myself some fizzy grape juice and poured it into a wine glass.

I have to say I had a good time. It was particularly exciting for me to reach the end of the evening, drop my friend home and realize that I still had a couple of hours before bed. I was completely sober and alert and free to write or read or do anything I wanted. Normally I would have been drunk by this point and either fallen asleep or continued drinking while mindlessly watching TV or browsing Facebook. Another great point was knowing I wouldn’t wake up with a hangover. I felt really good.

My behaviour and habits matter

I have two daughters who are pre-teens. I’ve never hidden my drinking from them, but I’ve never really talked about it either. It’s just been a fact of life for them that mummy drank. To be honest I never really saw a problem with it. They were aware of mummy sometimes being a little “silly” or being a little clumsy perhaps after one too many. However, I thought that because I have never behaved violently or done anything dangerous, it was okay. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that children watch their parents and learn from them and so I was inadvertently shaping their whole attitude towards alcohol.

That’s why I decided to be honest with them about quitting and talk about the positive benefits of doing so as they have come up. Yesterday they came with me to drop my friend and her daughter off and on the way back I told them how great it was that I didn’t drink because now I could go home and do anything I liked before bed. This morning my eleven year old asked me how I felt. I told her honestly that I felt great because normally I would have a slight hangover, feel icky and still be in bed.

Thinking ahead

There are some occasions where I am aware I may potentially struggle. I’m not worried about hanging out with friends or family. I don’t believe any of them would pressure me and I know they support my decision. I think I have a bit of a nostalgic feeling towards the British pub though. The thought of a cool pint of Guinness or a fruit cider still appeals. However, both these beverages now have non-alcoholic versions, so I will give them a go when I next go back to England. Maybe I’ll find new drinks I enjoy too, such as fruity mocktails or soda waters. I have a whole new world to explore now!

The other danger I have to be aware of, is drinking to combat emotional distress. I have mentioned before that this has been a coping mechanism for me in the past. I do need to make sure I have other avenues to turn to when I feel overwhelmed with life. Luckily the courses I have taken part in over the last couple of years have given me different tools. Many things can help. For example, journaling, exercise, reaching out to a friend, playing my piano, getting out in nature, taking a hot bath, getting an early night, watching something funny on TV and allowing myself to cry and not avoid feeling the emotions. Everyone will have their own unique tools and activities that work best for them.

In summary

I have to say, two and a half weeks in, I still feel very positive about my decision to quit drinking. I think changing my whole mindset over it has really been key. I haven’t really been missing it at all. I am still creating my new identity as a non-drinker, but it’s one I embrace. I can’t wait for someone new I meet to ask me, “Do you drink?” and to be be able to reply happily, “No. I don’t!”