I am aware that my story of our family’s road to bilingualism is just one among many. However, every single family, every child and every language situation is unique and relevant. So I am going to share our experiences (so far) of our journey in bilingualism. I hope that it may be useful and of interest to anyone embracing their own family’s bilingual journey.
(My daughters are currently aged 12 and 11)
First written Mar 20, 2020, edited and reposted here, Aug 3rd 2021
Before and during pregnancy.
Bilingualism has always been important to me as a parent. I knew I wanted to bring my children up to speak both Japanese and English fluently. As soon as my husband and I began thinking about starting a family, I began to research bilingualism. I even researched whether it would be possible if we had a special needs child. Happily, I discovered that many children with learning difficulties, including those with Down’s syndrome, for example, can still acquire two languages.
Apparently babies can hear and recognise your voice during later pregnancy. So I started speaking to them while they were still in my womb. In fact I enjoyed playing the piano to them too, hoping it might lead to an appreciation of music.
Since they would be exposed to much more Japanese through living in Japan and particularly because they would be educated in Japanese, I decided that it was important to make our family home as much of an English environment as possible. The difficulty was that my husband and I have always communicated with each other in Japanese.
Choosing names
One of the hardest phoneme pairs for Japanese speakers to distinguish is [l] and [r]. That did influence my choice in names for my girls. Both have an [l] in their name. I thought, what better way to ensure they hear these sounds consistently from birth? I chose names that would sound natural in both languages. Luckily there are many girls’ names to choose from that work in both languages. Boys’ names tend to be harder.
Before we found out the gender of our babies we discussed boys’ names such as Kai, Ren and Aki(yuki) which, while not native British names, are easy to pronounce for English speakers. We also though about Taira (Tyler) which is a name used in both languages and Haruaki, which could be shortened to Harry. Our plan for a boy was to have a Japanese first name and an English middle name.
In the end though, we were blessed with two girls. They both have middle names included on their British birth certificates, but none on their Japanese ones. We wanted to make sure they had names that wouldn’t cause them to stand out in either culture. This would mean in the future they could blend in naturally, (on paper anyway), wherever they decided to live and however they decided to culturally identify themselves.
Language 1: English
I was basically a stay-at-home mum until they were 3 and almost 2. Therefore during their first few years they spoke only English. From around the age of 1, I allowed them to watch English TV for a limited time. I believe the benefits of the additional English exposure outweighed any negatives. At this point, I wasn’t worried at all about their Japanese. I knew they would be exposed to it constantly as soon as they reached school age. I felt that a solid foundation in English would be the best thing I could do to support their bilingualism.
Nervously, I waited for my eldest to learn to speak. I wondered if my input alone would truly be sufficient. However, sure enough by 18 months she had several words. Then 3-4 months later, she had a typical toddler language explosion.
My younger child amazed me even more. By ten months she had 10 intelligible words and by 13 months she was stringing 3-word sentences together! I suspect it was advantageous for her to have an older sister. However, I also suspect a natural gift for language arts.
Travel
During their early years, I took advantage of the lower cost of travelling. I visited England when my eldest was 6 months and then again the following year for six weeks when she was 17-18 months and her sister 4-5 months. In addition, my mother came out to visit us here in Japan yearly for several weeks. We also visited my sister in Bahrain when the girls were 2.5 and 1.5 years old. All these trips gave them additional and valuable English language exposure.
Daycare
Around their third and second birthdays a work opportunity presented itself that I wanted to pursue. They entered daycare part-time. Then, very soon afterwards they moved to almost full-time. Since their Japanese was almost non-existent and because I was worried about them being separated from each other in addition to me at such a young age, I found a small Montessori place where different age groups could mix and play together.
It was a wonderful place, run by a devoted couple and their staff. They would carry the younger babies and toddlers, including my two year old, on their backs in baby carriers. I believe this probably helped them feel included from the very beginning. They had effectively been thrust into a completely new world. I tried to reduce the amount of time they were at the daycare as much as I could. I collected them early and took them in later on days whenever it was possible.
Language 2: Japanese
Their road to bilingualism had truly begun. They learned Japanese extremely quickly. Just a few months after entering the daycare with almost no Japanese, my elder daughter’s teacher told me that her Japanese level was already on a par with her peers. I must admit it was a relief. You just cannot help doubting and worrying about every choice you make as a parent. My eldest daughter made friends with a girl a couple of years older than her. As a result she became interested in writing and learned Hiragana (a Japanese syllabic script) through letter exchanges with her friend.
The girls switched easily into English with me when they came home and I felt everything was going well.
Preschool
When my eldest was almost 5 and my youngest was almost 4, I decided to switch them to a preschool for both the convenience of the location and the lower cost. This is when things significantly changed. The hours were less flexible for daytime attendance. In addition, since I now worked in the early evenings they stayed in after school care. This meant the number of hours they spent in Japanese had become much greater than those they spent in English.
They were also separated into different classes. This meant there was limited opportunity for them to use English together during the day now too. The result was that they started using more and more Japanese when they spoke together at home. They also started mixing languages a lot. At first they were using only the odd word in Japanese in a stream of English. Then it started to become more and more Japanese with less and less English.
New approaches
I decided I had to be stricter if I was to support their bilingualism. I told them that our house and car were “English only zones”. In fact, I refused to listen or respond if they used Japanese. Japanese TV was banned unless they had a friend over who didn’t speak English. At the same time, I also explained how important it was that they use English and why I was making these rules. If they didn’t learn English they wouldn’t be able to talk to their grandparents and other relatives back in England.
They wouldn’t be able to talk to their own mother in her native tongue.
I read to them as much as I could and encouraged them to learn to read themselves. Luckily they caught on very fast. I believe that reading is vitally important for building language skills. I also believe that learning to read in English before they officially learned Japanese at school was extremely helpful too.
Lower Elementary School
When my eldest daughter entered elementary school, I remember feeling quite frustrated. It seemed I was losing the battle to maintain their English beyond basic conversational level. They had switched to naturally wanting to use Japanese together now. I was constantly having to remind them to use English. It was getting really draining for all of us.
So that first summer, after my eldest entered first grade, I took them to England for a month. Then, the following winter I took them for three weeks. It absolutely changed everything. They completely switched back into English, using it consistently with me and together. Having their grandparents come and visit us for several weeks of that year too also helped immeasurably. I think it was a huge turning point and probably one of the most crucial years in terms of their bilingual development.
Upper Elementary School
The hours are long at elementary school in Japan. They are in school from 8am until 4pm several days a week. We also live a 45 minute walk away from their school, which adds extra time onto their day. So, we drive them to school in the mornings. This gives them almost a whole extra hour in an English environment each morning. I go and pick them up after school whenever I can too. They then use English until they go to bed and most of the weekend and holidays.
Three years ago they had the wonderful opportunity to attend a British school for a day. They absolutely loved it and this further increased their motivation to use English and consider it “their language”.
I think they have separated the languages quite well now. They switched to speaking Japanese with their father a couple of years ago. Luckily the extra Japanese at home hasn’t impacted their confidence in using English at all.
The future.
I have read it can often be much harder to maintain bilingualism with teens. As they grow more independent, peer relationships become more important. In addition the influence of the language of education is immense. I am fully expecting challenges ahead. However, I think we are in a good starting position. My girls strongly identify themselves as being half-British and half-Japanese. They aren’t embarrassed at all by their heritage and in fact want others to recognize it.
Half-British, half-Japanese
A year ago, I was talking with my eldest about being singled out for not being fully Japanese. I told her that really she was just as Japanese as anyone else in her class. She was born here and goes to school here. I thought it would be comforting to her.
However, she became very upset and told me that she didn’t want me to say that. She said she is half-British too and wants people to know that.
It reminded me that their identity is theirs. I cannot make any assumptions at all about how they might feel. I love that they both have such a strong sense of who they are. It might change too, as they grow, but that is their right.
Challenges of bilingualism
I think two key ingredients for learning and using a second language are motivation and adequate exposure. I also believe in our case that my children being the same sex and close in age has been helpful. Many families of course have vastly different dynamics though and successfully raise fully bilingual children.
You still have to teach your children to read and write. They can’t just do it automatically. Some people may even roll their eyes when your children pass language proficiency tests. They dismiss their achievements because they feel having a foreign parent is an unfair advantage. They may not realise how much effort goes into teaching a child to read and write a second language on top of all their other schoolwork.
Maybe your children do have a unique advantage, but only if they embrace it and work hard. There are many children in Japan who have grown up with an English-speaking parent, yet only speak Japanese.
And there is nothing wrong with that at all. Each family makes their own decisions. My point is that, bilingualism isn’t a given. It requires work because it doesn’t just magically happen. It has to be important enough to you and your children to make the financial and time sacrifices necessary.
Final Thoughts
Sometimes you may question yourself and ask, am I doing the right thing? Is “forcing” a child who even slightly resists speaking a second language morally wrong?
It’s something only you can answer.
I believe that bilingualism gives your child so much. Access to two different languages and cultures and different ways of thinking surely promotes a deeper sense of understanding and tolerance. These are things that our world today can only benefit from.
I am going to continue to give my girls as much exposure to English as I can, through travel, meeting English-speaking friends and allowing them unlimited access to books. They actually have kindles as English paperbacks here can be quite expensive. Hopefully, once the pandemic settles, their grandparents can come and stay again too. Both say they want to study abroad in Europe in the future. I am hoping they stay highly motivated to use and improve their English throughout their teen years and beyond.
As parents, whatever decisions we make for our children, there will be advantages and disadvantages. There is no perfect or right way really. We can only encourage and support them as best we can in their journey to becoming the amazing individuals they are. If bilingualism is a path you decide to take, know that it will likely have its ups and downs. However, with flexibility and determination, it is absolutely possible.
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