No time to rest
I often feel insanely busy. There’s always a never-ending list of things to do. For as long as I can remember I’ve felt as though every time I make a choice to do one thing, it is at the expense of something else. Multitasking is my middle name. Still, I can never seem to get everything done. It’s endless and it’s stressful. Rest? What is that? I’m sure many people reading this will be able to relate.
Guilt
As I’ve mentioned before, one of my biggest passions in life is playing the piano. Of course, this requires frequent practice. However, sometimes when I want to sit down and play, I feel guilty about it. How can I spend time on the piano when I have a basket of laundry overflowing, work emails to reply to and a sofa concealing an ever-growing dust pile? So, I hesitate.
Uncertain what to do, I sit down, reach for my phone and have a little scroll through Facebook. After all, the work emails aren’t all that urgent, the family will survive if the laundry is left for another day and who looks under the sofa anyway? But doing something I enjoy instead? Well, it just feels wrong somehow. Then, before I know it, another hour has gone by. Cue more guilt for completely wasting my time and doing nothing. I’m so lazy. Why can’t I be better?
Untamed
I recently joined an online course with my LGBTQ+ coach based on a journal written by Glennon Doyle and her book “Untamed”. The book is one I would highly recommend to anyone. It’s all about looking at your life and discovering your true self. Glennon Doyle fell in love with a woman after being married to a man for a number of years. Not everyone will relate to this exact scenario, but regardless, the insights she has about looking at your life honestly and living authentically are universally invaluable.
While journaling today, I read something she wrote that resonated profoundly.
“Hard work is important. So are play and nonproductivity. My worth is tied not to my productivity but to my existence. I am worthy of rest.”
I had to read that again. My worth is tied to my existence? I’m allowed to rest? She said this was life-changing for her. And it is potentially, I think, for all of us.
It’s okay to rest
We’re allowed to schedule a walk in the middle of a busy day. It’s okay to leave the washing-up for later and go and take a hot bath instead. We’re allowed to lie on the bed and browse through a magazine, even though there are a dozen chores that haven’t yet been completed. It’s fine to have a late lunch with friends and get take-out for dinner rather than prepare a meal. We don’t have to jump up the second a family member comes home, worrying we’ll look lazy. We’re allowed to take the time to care for our physical and mental needs and do things purely for ourselves. It’s okay.
As soon as I’ve finished posting this blog, I am going to go and practice the piano for a bit. Dinner might be half an hour later tonight, but you know what? My kids will have dinner with a smiling mother, one who has filled her cup today because she’s done something she enjoys, rather than the fraught one that nags them to hurry up and eat so she can get the washing-up done faster and clear up in time for her to put on an extra load of laundry, so she’ll have extra time to scrub the floors in the morning.
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