Personalising trans issues
I was reading an article about trans issues earlier today, and why I should care. One of the things discussed was that an important difference with the marriage equality fight is that because most people know someone who is gay, lesbian or bisexual, it personalises the issue. People are more likely to hear and see people talking about their marginalised experiences in society. This kind of visibility and empathy is important because it’s what leads to a change in public opinion and then later policy change.
However, since the number of trans people is considerably lower, fewer people are likely to know someone who can personalise the issue for them. In addition to this, because trans people are less likely to be in prominent positions in society due to discrimination, many academic discussions end up taking place among cisgender people, with the most important voices missing. Its these voices that would bring more of the human side to discussions.
Ignoring differences
It changes when you meet people and they share their stories with you. I always used to think that being tolerant was purely about ignoring differences and loving people for who they are on the inside. Humans are human, skin colour, sexuality, gender identity, lifestyle choices, none of it matters. That’s what I was taught and grew up to firmly believe and I thought that made me anti-racist, anti-homophobic, anti everything that is non-inclusive. The thing is though, differences do matter when things like your access to jobs, housing, insurance, medical care and education are impeded and your parental and legal rights are affected. Absolutely it matters when you’re constantly reminded that you’re different, you’re erased, ostracised, bullied, mocked and belittled, and you experience intimidation and violence just for living your life. It matters when you’re marginalised. It matters because it hurts horribly.
Trans issues matter
So what made me start to think about all this? You know, if you’d asked me whether I knew any transgender people, without thinking, my immediate answer would probably have been no. But in fact when I do think about it, I actually know quite a few. It’s just I don’t think of them as being “trans”. They’re just people, my friends. And with that attitude I can pat myself on the back and say, hey, look how tolerant I am! I don’t even see the differences. We’re all the same.
And there is the problem. I wasn’t seeing it. Any of it.
But then my child came out to me as nonbinary and suddenly wham. It’s there. It’s personal now. It involves MY kid. Now I’m suddenly beginning to get it. It fricking matters. More than anything.
Note: Not all non-binary people identify as trans, but many do.
Seeing the truth
It shouldn’t have taken this long for me to sit up and notice what was going on around me. I should have cared long before, but this is exactly the point being made in the article I read. It’s hard to feel empathy for an issue you don’t understand or haven’t experienced first hand. If I would hope for anything, it is that maybe even just one person reading this will think, gosh, I don’t know much about trans issues either and go away and read more. All change starts with knowledge and a willingness to open our minds. The question how do we increase tolerance and acceptance is an important one. I think we can start by honestly questioning our own.
Speaking up
When thinking about writing this article, immediately the phrase “stay in your lane” came loudly into my head. Who the hell am I to be speaking out about trans issues. Well the truth is I am not qualified to do that, in any way. But what I am going to do from now on though is read, learn and listen to as many people’s experiences as I can. I am going to stand up and speak out when I see something that I can do something about. I am no longer going to sit here thinking I am doing enough just by pretending we all get along nicely and that we’re all essentially the same. We aren’t the same and we aren’t treated the same. We should be, but sadly we’re a long way from that still.
